(Previously posted in Renee's Relationship Roundtable)

I often get an enquiry from an admirer(or part-time CD girl) asking what they should do since they are in a committed relationship, but still feel attracted to our Transgender world, and specifically our Transgender Adult Play World (Please note: The Trans World, and the Transgender Adult Play world are different communities with the larger Trans World being a microcosm of the overall world)

I sent this brief response to one admirer who was very conflicted about his participation in our Transgender Adult Play World.

"I understand your dilemma.  If your relationship is serious and your partner does not approve of outside play, I would suggest you attempt to refrain from our community.  If it is a new relationship, or not so serious, I would encourage you to explore our world.  However, please bear in mind, it is difficult to obtain a serious relationship in our T World, and if that is what you desire, you may want to stay were you are...I would suggest you do some writing and meditating on what you really want, and then seek social and spiritual support to affirm your true desires. I know many people who after exploring our world realized the comfort, certainty, security and warmth of a monogamous relationship with one other person (typically female) was their preferred life aspiration, and others who decided they preferred the T World with the inherent ambiguities and insecurities that come with a non-monogamous lifestyle.'

I know some people say glib things to people in committed relationships about attending play parties..."just do it",  "grow a pair, and have fun", "Your wife's a bitch anyway", but from personal experience I'm aware of the emotional distress it can cause a person to go out and play one afternoon, then return home to wife and kids and come up with an excuse for why the gas tank is only 1/4 full. Therefore, I always encourage individuals in this situation to think about what they really want, and act accordingly. This is not a judgment, rather I think this is the key to personal happiness. I have found that when I act according to what I truly aspire to have for my life (irrespective of what others say should be my aspiration),  then I'm happier even if other people in my life don't quite see things the same way.  Also, getting clear on my aspirations allows me to communicate with others in a way that is both honest and self preserving, so that I don't lull people into a relationship with me based on a false understanding of what works for me.