Why I Do What I Do
Entry posted by Renee/Admin
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As usual, your hostess/admin has been derelict on her duties of posting a regular blog on the website. I have been reflecting on the many challenges of being in the T World, the struggles I, and many others, have about whether to stay here, or try to leave it all behind, the worries about being "outed" to the straight world about either or both being a Trans Girl, and being into group sex.
When I have my doubts I have to go all the way back to the foundational question: "Why Do I Do What I Do?"
This question often haunted me when I was younger. I was a serious chaser of TGirls before I accepted that I myself was Transgender. I could not understand why I wanted to be around transwomen all the time, why the only porn I was interested in was Trans porn, why I was obsessed with reading all the academic research I could find about the transgender community, and why my ultimate fantasy was to walk hand in hand with my trans lover on a sunny white sand beach with crystal clear waters to the horizon and a warm breeze blowing on our skin. Why?
Almost powerless over my actions, I found myself going to every TGirl bar and club I could find; driving my TGirl friends all over town for various errands; renting apartments for my trans girlfriends; and generally making my whole life about participation in the TGirl world...but at the same time, desperately trying to keep it a secret from my family, friends, and co-workers.
Then, one day it hit me. I was a chaser, but I WAS CHASING MYSELF. The moment of self-revelation was astounding. I suddenly realized that my affinity for TGirls was an affinity for myself, my interest in TGirl porn was an interest in seeing myself as the girl in the video, my desire to go to TGirl bars was a desire to study the girls to learn how i could be just like them. I discovered I was a girl.
And when I recall my confusion, lostness, and sense of isolation, that is when I remember Why I Do What I Do with Temptation Tuesday. I do Temptation Tuesday to help both other girls and admirers learn acceptance for themselves. I have tried to make Temptation Tuesday a safe space for TGirls/CD's and admirers to meet, greet, and play, but the fundamental purpose is to allow a safe place for each of us whether TGirl, CD, admirers, or someone in-between, to come out and see that life can be both good and real in the T World.
That is why I do what I do.
Your hostess,
Renee
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