That's Not Sexy

I've never had an STD of any kind. Am I bragging? Hmph! Instead, I'm walking in the AIDS walk next month again this year because my incredible good fortune has humbled me so. The degree of separation between myself and some I knew who are gone, you could slip chiffon through. It was that close and I don't know why they are gone and I am here; some questions one simply does not get to ask -who doesn't know someone(s)? Myself, like near countless others, knew not what we were up against nor how incautious we were being. What I do know is, taking care of myself NOW the very best I can, is DAMNED SEXY. It means I'm serious about this lifestyle and mean fucking business (see what I did there?). I do so for me AND for them.

It is not perfect. I'm an adult. There is risk, I weight it, I take it. Riding a motorcycle, flying a Cessna C172, working as a commercial fisherman – these are all more risky (the last one about 10x as much). I do educate myself, practice what I learn and I accept the risk with gusto and life. The sacrifices of those who've gone before and those who've gone have made what was unthinkable only a few short years ago possible. The debt of gratitude is not lost on this one. I count as an acquaintance the oldest and longest HIV survivor in Los Angeles. He was at Stonewall, and has been a long time advocate for not just gay men, but the other letters as well, particularly bi, and trans folk. He understood long ago, when even the likes of D. Savage didn't, how much more bravery it took the further down the letters you went. I was speaking with a new friend the other night and don't think she'd mind me sharing my commenting on just how many minorities she was actually holding up: black, trans, and woman. And she's gorgeous. BAD. ASS. Baby Girl, you could whoop John Wayne's ass proper while tidying up your blush. Why, then, would we not be brave enough to face what the risks are of STD's on life's terms? Sometimes we are still allowing the fear of dealing with it straight up, rule us. It's been a big ass monster for a long time. We have by no means kicked it's ass, but we've taken some serious bites outta that ass, let me tell you. Props again to people who've made great sacrifices on this front. There's some meds most powerful out there peeps.

So, I study. I've attended a panel of all female, super sexy, sex positive, doctors at UCLA, discussing various elements of STD's, their transmission, and impact; wonderful, empowering. I take PrEP, I'm Hep vaccinated as high as possible, I still practice safe sex, and I practice a few of the tips they shared. I test every three months. When I feel the need, I take a moment in the heat of battle to ASK ABOUT STATUS, and don't  mind being asked. Again, if this is thought to not be sexy, I call bullshit. It means I or my partner takes the best care they can of themselves, and take the lifestyle seriously. Dunno about anyone else s motives, but let me be thunderously clear if I haven't been thus far: I do all this precisely because I WANT TO FUCK. If my unbroken record changes even next week, I'm the same adult. I took the risk, I manage the consequences same as if my life is permanently changed on the bike or I'm killed flying the plane (thankfully, our consequences are very rarely remotely anything so dire these days). The point is that I refuse to let fear run the show. Today is the day I'm promised, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is NOT promised. I will suit up, show up, and LIVE today, signified by my rechristening: I am "Asha" Swahili for 'to live'.